(Title quoted from SATC)

Growing up I havent had the pleasure of having too many friends..Let me elaborate..

I have been through so many friends, I can’t say any of them were real, they have all disappointed me in some way. So people, for me, were always just temporary human beings that would just..come in and out of my life. It taught me not to hold on to them. It even taught me not to rely on others and to always handle life’s obstacles on my own. I dealt with my problems and loneliness on my own for so many years. It gave me time to perfect my craft because It was all I knew…but…What a huge amount of weight for such a person to hold on her own. At some point I became comfortable with the number 1, because I realized there were way too many fake people in the world. Sometimes I think im superwoman, sometimes I am. Sometimes I want to have someone help me hold the weight that Ive had on my shoulders for so long. I tend to brush that feeling off by excusing them, saying to myself “They have got there own problems”. Then I realize, well…Why do they ask me for help then?

Im a “deal with it yourself” kind of girl, I buy my own things, I open my own doors, I pay my own bills, and my work as an artist, model, writer, and everything else is always my first priority. Though I thought I found a healthy way to deal with the fact that people are unreliable, I secretly resented the fact that I had no one to lean on. In turn I learned to hate them for it, because I was always selfless and helpful. I still take loyalty very serious, and have never crossed someone the wrong way..until of course they crossed me over the wrong way. Then thats when the tables turn, but now…I focus more on cutting loose ends, and meeting new people who hopefully suit me. See I have always treated my friends like I have treated my relationships, just as much loyalty, and I loved my friends with all of my heart. What a mistake to have grown so comfortable with the word “friend” or “best friend”. That word is as good as the friends im not friends with anymore, useless, bullshit, fake, and deceitful. Low and behold I cut them out, and I met some amazing people. Dont be afraid to let your friends go because you think you might not meet any new ones, or you might feel alone, when one door closes..another one opens.

Now, I have a good amount of friends in my life, mostly male of course. They are always so proud of my accomplishments, most girls Ive known werent, but they arent even a factor in my life anymore. It seems women, no matter how good of a friend I might be, they have hidden motives and more skeletons than shoes in their closets. Too bad skeletons always find their way out, and surprise, everyone has found out that you are a complete FRAUD. So no, I dont fancy the friendships of women. I have one girlfriend who has been my friend for 10 years and she NEVER disappoints me. I wish there were more people like her in the world, then I’d have more girlfriends.

See when I finally learned to lean on certain people in my life..I loved them. I would do anything for them because I thought they would do the same. Ive met some amazing people this year, and I have given up on those who served no purpose in my life.

Not only did I start to believe in people again, I met someone who helped me believe in love again.

I said I wouldnt talk publicly on my relationship, but I think this post will have some significance on someone elses life.

I am now in a beautiful relationship. It seems like its been ages since I held someones hand. I’m not going to lie, It took a while to get used to chivalry, having someone open the door for me, walk on the right side of the street, make sure I get home safe, and many other things I never experienced or missed dearly. I got so used to being alone and doing everything on my own, and fighting for myself, that I forgot what it was like to be the lady again. He helped me grow, showed me a different light, and treated me like a gentleman should. See..Im like a wild horse when I deal with men or people in general, at any sight of a threat or when people try to hold me down, I will cause a riot and it takes a lot to really get through to me, to calm me down, to assure me that I am safe. I dont know what it is about him, but he took hold of my reigns right away and made sure I saw that his intentions were good.

So now I feel like the luckiest girl in the world, though he thinks he’s the lucky one, but I realized today that I still have the “me” factor in this relationship. I still find it very hard to allow him to protect me, or do things for me. Im just so used to doing it all on my own and its also hard to take something from someone without feeling like you need to give back. I guess it’s because I have always been a giving person, and have always been betrayed or have gotten nothing back.  I have complained and complained about men so much in my life time, I finally found someone who defeats my whole perception of men. That would make any woman afraid, I guess I still have a lot of growing to do, and he’s helping me along the way. I still find that my defenses get the best of me sometimes but overall I have done well in this relationship. This is a brand new and I am sure we have a lot of obstacles to overcome, I just need to be strong and to see the bigger picture of it all. This is a “we” situation now, and I can now be rest assured that I have someone to lean on, he taught me to believe in the good in men and also taught me to believe in people in general.. He is the perfect definition of what a REAL man is and should be, above everything, he is my best friend (a true best friend). I have never met someone like him, and I have never felt this happy with someone. I just need to learn to let him be my man, and let him do what he is supposed to do. I need to be comfortable being the lady sometimes and not be so “independent” lol. 

My message to women out there is…If you finally find a good guy, dont let him go, dont be afraid, just give it a try, and BE THE LADY. I did, and its the best thing that has ever happened to me. Dont be afraid to fall, and dont be afraid to let him catch you. Embrace it and forget what your used to, it doesnt matter anymore when you have found someone you love, that loves you in return. Also, never lose faith in people, I know im a good friend, so there has to be hope in others.

Cheers to looking at things in a whole different light, learning that 2’s a great number, and 1 is never fun.

and to my special guy

P.S I love you.

XoXo