Its been a while since I wrote a deep post about where my life is at and what I have learned. Judging from the title, you might expect this post to be negative but it’s actually the opposite.
This has been an amazing year so far. I’ve only had 1 or 2 situations that were set backs, but overall, its been wonderful. I think what I appreciate the most about this year is how much I’ve grown as a person. Metaphorically speaking, I think I did a hard reset. I feel like a new person inside and I am still getting to know her.
I don’t carry the past around with me like a backpack of bricks. The things that used to bother me, no longer affect me. None of it matters anymore.
Earlier this year, I got invited to a Fashion Show on Valentine’s Day for The Blonds (was seriously so stoked!) and on that same day, I found out my boyfriend of ten months was cheating on me (long story I won’t get into details). This post isn’t going to be about bashing him, because honestly, looking at it in hindsight, we were never going to work anyway (good riddens!). This is more about how different I am now compared to that 20-something girl who used to break down every time a man abused my time, my love, and my loyalty. This is about that moment where I sat across from him at our Hotel room that night contemplating if this was something I could forgive (Like really? Could I really ask myself this?). At that moment, I was somewhere stuck between the old Jasmin who would try to give a guy another chance to change, and the new Jasmin that said “fuck that, he doesn’t deserve me.” I chose the latter and left with my dignity and strength in tact and I didn’t just leave him; I left my old self too. (Bye Felipe/Felicia!)
It was the straw that broke the Camel’s back and man, I am so glad it did.
I was angry for a few days but it was the fastest recovery I had ever experienced. It was very surprising as someone who would go through depression for long periods of time after breakups. It was proof that I had grown. It was proof that I no longer needed another human being to help keep me warm. Instead, I discovered how to generate my own warmth and I don’t think I have ever been happier.
We are programmed to think we need someone, their recognition, their attention, their love, just so we can feel like we “exist” but we don’t. I wish I knew that in my 20’s. I wish I stopped making excuses because when it all comes down to it, a man is only as good as his word and as great as his actions. Please, I urge all of you to never settle. I understand that people make mistakes but don’t stay stuck in a toxic relationship because you don’t think you can find better. Trust me, you can find better. That’s a promise.
Anyway. 8 days later, I was on a flight to Germany to model for one of my favorite company’s, Top Vintage Boutique, and I went on a short Euro-trip from there to Holland and Paris with one of my best friends. I never imagined that I would be flown out to a foreign Country to model for one of my favorite brands. I had to pinch myself, really. It was one of the best experiences of my life. I nearly cried when we visited the Eiffel tower in Paris. It was such a milestone for me. For years, I wanted so badly to go. Some douche from my past once promised me that we would go there (blew smoke up my ass) so you can imagine how nice it felt to get there on my own. It was a powerful moment for me. I even fell in love with Amsterdam, a place I found even more romantic than Paris. Crazy right? I loved it! I really have to thank my friend Gurj for accompanying me on that fun trip. Him and I have been best friends for over 12 years and it was nice to explore cities I have never been with my friend across the pond that I never get to see.
Traveling and being spontaneous really made me see what was truly important in my life. It helped me realize the world is so much bigger than my problems and it was full of possibilities. I felt that this was my good karma. I gave too many wrong people the right pieces of me. But I believe that with this new energy I am putting out into the world, the right people will continue to gravitate towards me.
After my Eurotrip, I hosted a very successful event with Buffalo Exchange, judged the Viva Las Vegas Pinup Pageant, walked the fashion show for Pretty Dress Company, and have collaborated with over 40 new brands. It’s such a contrast to my past and I am overwhelmingly grateful after having such a shitty year last year and going through a breakup in February. Things just went up from there.
Being emotionally independent wasn’t the only kind of growth I’ve experienced this year. I cut my hair. Most people might say “Big DEAL” because I mean, it’s just hair right? However, it is a big deal. Since I was 11 years old, my hair has been my shield. If you didn’t know, my back is covered in burn-like keloid scars. I used to hide them with my long black hair and it’s what kept my anxiety away because I always catch people staring at them. I’ve wanted to cut my hair for years but never had the courage until last week when I walked into the Bombshell Salon in Vegas and told them to chop it off.
Sure I was confident before but we could always improve on self-love. This was that one hurdle I had to get across and It was nice to look in the mirror for once and truly accept myself as I am. It was nice to wear something backless a few days ago and say “fuck it!.”
I made a commitment to myself earlier this year that I would take better care of my soul and this body and I am fulfilling that promise. I now go to the gym, I am getting dental work done, I am seeing an aesthetician regularly, and I feel better than I have ever felt. My skin is glowing, my smile is from ear to ear, and I feel strong both mentally and physically. Most importantly, Ive learned how to say “no” to anything I don’t like or want to do. That alone has made such a huge difference in enhancing my happiness & well-being.
This new level of independence and energy I am putting out into the world is proving that what you put out is what you get back. I feel the fruits of my labor coming to fruition. Work is good, my skin is glowing, my confidence is booming, and life couldn’t be better.
Success to me isn’t a Mansion and a Ferrari, success is being able to conquer anything thrown your way whilst still keeping your integrity, self-love, and sanity in tact. Success is in conquering your inner demons and the awful thoughts/depression that comes with it. Success is turning bad situation into a positive learning experience. Success is in looking at your body, scars, stretch marks, cellulite, and all and saying “I love you anyway.”
Your 20s is for asking why things happened to you. Your 30s are for thanking those things for happening to you.
I couldn’t be more thankful for the good and the bad.
Wishing you all strength and happiness.
I told you guys I was in love with Pretty Dress Company’s new Hawaiian prints and I was NOT kidding! I saw this gorgeous two piece set for the first time at the Viva Las Vegas fashion show and knew immediately that I had to have it. I know have 3 different outfits in this print haha.
On this day I headed to Boulder City for some thrifting and my PDC set was the perfect outfit. It’s both comfortable and chic! Everything I paired it with is vintage except for the C Label shoes. What I love the most about it is how you can mix and match these separates with other pieces in your wardrobe. I could totally wear this skirt with a different top or the top with some cute wide legged pants. I love a good versatile 2 piece set I can really get a lot of use out of. This set also comes in Navy blue and I just keep telling myself that I don’t need it (but I do!) haha. Read More
I love that Vegas is full of Palm Trees. They may not be native to Nevada but I love that they thrive and I get to see them every time I look out my windows. It just makes me feel like I live in a tropical place. I just wish we weren’t so far from the ocean. Anyway, I love anything tropical which is why I am so obsessed with palm leaf, tropical florals, fruits, and animal prints. Anything that reminds me of my motherland, Puerto Rico.
The Pretty Dress Company just released a bunch of great Tropical/Hawaiian style prints and I immediately fell in love. I literally have this print now in 3 different dresses lololol. This one is fun and super comfortable for any occasion and so easy to accessorize with my bamboo jewelry and hair flowers. I also love the stretch and feel of this fabric. I literally didn’t want to take the dress off! I couldn’t even wait to have it hemmed to wear it. I’m tiny so it falls a bit long on me, but what else is new haha. I just have to wear higher heels ;).
A few weeks ago I visited the Smith Center here in Las Vegas to marvel at the modern Art Deco masterpiece with my friend Daniel. I love how Vegas really pays attention to their architecture and for the most part, tries to restore and revive old Mid century gems (Businesses, hotels, houses, bars, and etc). People here are very passionate about the history despite having a few people who want to modernize Las Vegas. The Smith Center is new but instead of going the Mid Century Modern route, they took inspiration from the 1920s which is also one of my favorite eras. Of course I was dressed to the nines so you know I took the opportunity to pester my friend Daniel to take shots of me in my new Stop Staring 1940s inspired Loma dress. It is literally one of my favorite little black dresses as it fits my figure exceptionally well. I mean, most of my Stop Staring dresses fit amazing. I paired the Loma dress with some vintage accessories like an art deco inspired beaded belt and simple black purse. I also wore hassle beaded earrings I found at HM, a turban I made out of a velvet scarf, and some round sunglasses I purchased at Buffalo Exchange. My beaded bracelet was something I purchased in Paris. It was one of those perfect outfits you wish you could wear every day. I am glad I chose this day because the pictures came out amazing and the Smith Center was a great location. Read More
As many of you already know, I am a big fan of Archie Comics. I still have all of my old comics from when I was a little kid and used to buy them for just 50 cents. This is why I was ecstatic when I found out Rachel Antonoff created a Betty & Veronica collection. Of course I had to get my hands on some of their pieces like this awesome sporty dress adorned with various Betty & Veronica comic strips. Everyone thought I was wearing a shirt under the dress but it’s actually all one piece and super comfortable. I love the sporty yet girly take on this dress so I wore it with a hat I found at Forever 21 and my Nike Sky Hi wedge sneakers. I’m not pinup all the time folks! I like to venture out into other eras and genres of fashion. This was a super comfortable look for a dope day checking out all of the artwork in downtown, Las Vegas. Check out some cool images my boy Daniel shot of me that day inside. Read More