Numbers and labels.

tumbler

Women all over the world deal with weight issues on a daily basis and some take the healthy route by counting calories, eating healthy, and exercising..while some take the unhealthy route by bingeing and purging. This is a sensitive subject for many women who are fragile to the standards of our harsh society. So many of these women let the scale determine their worth and I had to address the subject as someone people turn to for advice on the subject.

me2I always get messages from women asking about my weight, measurements, and exercise regime. For all of you who don’t know, I am a size 2, 5’1,  and my measurements are 34-24-38 today. I do not exercise but I certainly should and I do not eat the healthiest meals. I have certainly gained and lost weight throughout the years and have tried to keep my weight steady but only for one reason, to be able to still fit my clothes lol. My opinion of my weight has nothing to do with how the world perceives me, I could careless what they think. Most people who don’t know me, could assume I am a size 6 or 8 from my photos because I am curvaceous, and I don’t mind, it does not offend me. My weight does not define me. I love my body and though there are some things I would love to change, like my stubborn skin (I have keyloids on my back/chest, picture above for reference). I acknowledge that I am not perfect and have learned to embrace the things that make me different.

I used to be a lot like many of these women so I can relate. I didn’t have weight issues, but I always felt different from other girls in a negative way. I felt disconnected. I wasn’t a popular kid growing up and went through constant bullying and have even been in physical altercations for being the “black sheep”. I felt ugly and exhausted myself with self-destructive hatred. I became infuriated to the point of isolation. I only dealt with it differently, I put my pain into my art work. I would draw beautiful women until I realized, I was my own work of art. If you are not utilizing your pain as positive motivation to do something productive, you are WASTING your time. Now I have a different opinion of myself. I have cellulite, I have stretch marks, and I have bad skin, but I am human, I am a woman, and I am beautiful the way I am. 12 years later, I am fully embraced and have become a successful little “black sheep” and I wouldn’t change my past for anything in the world, as it made me the strong woman I am today. I’ve become somewhat immune to criticism and though I am human and have feelings, I have learned that the best way to deal with negativity is to respond by educating, loving, or ignoring these types of people. They say “those who are the most undeserving of love deserve the most love of all”. Hateful people hate themselves, love them and watch them change.cover.art3_

I find it ironic that people associate size, a single number, with how curvy or skinny someone is. I know women who are size 8’s who are skinnier than me and women who are size 2’s that are curvier than me. So why is it that women cringe when they hear “size 10”? I also know GORGEOUS women who are size 16’s and size 4’s!

I have worked many retail jobs, I was once a bra fitter at Agent Provocateur and have even dressed women in cocktail dresses at Betsey Johnson. I cannot tell you how many times women would not try on their actual size because the number made them angry. Even working with UK brands like Karen Millen, where sizes run small, women did not want to listen and go a size up. The number frightened them so much, they’d run out of the store in frustration. It is always so mind-boggling to me that women can be this fragile about a size 6 or a 10, allowing a single number to ruin their entire shopping experience when they look great. “My boobs are too big”. “My ass is too small”. These days the perfect body is attainable. You can take the healthy and safe exercise route or you can visit a plastic surgeon. You couldn’t get me to be ok with going under the knife if my ass went flat tomorrow, it still wouldn’t be important enough to go through such lengths but to each their own. If something makes you unhappy, I support change. However, if you are doing it for all of the wrong reasons, maybe what you need is therapy and not another plastic surgery session. What I have noticed is that plastic surgery gets out of control sometimes. It becomes an addiction until these women start to look like that cat lady. Go ahead, google her. I am positive she has BDD (Body Dismorphic Disorder) where the affected person is concerned with body image, manifested as excessive concern about and preoccupation with a perceived defect of their physical features. In other words, they have a distorted and exaggerated interpretation of what they look like. This IS an illness and I wish these women would see their true beauty.

vintage-weight-gain-ad9
In the 1950’s these trends were the total opposite. Women took more strides to take care of themselves, curves were embraced, and skinny girls were certainly not “trending”. However, though I am a lover of the 1950s, I cannot agree with that “trend” either. Who’s to say a curvy girl is better than a skinny girl? Some skinny girls are NATURALLY skinny. Some of them can’t gain any weight because they have a faster metabolism. We are all designed differently for a reason, could you imagine how boring the world would be if we all were the same colors, sizes, and shared the same personalities?This is as stupid as racism. This is as stupid as the war between natural hair girls, and girls who wear weave. This is as stupid as homophobes verses homosexuals. This is just stupid, period, and it’s mind-boggling to me that people can argue over who is better than who because of a scale.

ad1Work those curves girl.

One thing I do love about the 50’s was how amazing their undergarments were. Sometimes when I have a food baby, I like to bust out one of my rago girdles or my spanx. Yup, I am a size 2 and I still rock spanx. Being curvy does not mean you can’t rock clothes the way thin girls do. It is important to know your body and know what works for your figure. Want a tinier waist? Where a waspie. Wan’t less curves? Avoid peplum styles, empire waist dresses, and bootcut/flaired jeans. Go with skinny pants, or more form-fitting dresses with the right undergarments. Have a big bust? Get a bra fitting and find a great bra that works for different pieces. I suggest that women always have at least 1-2 strapless bras, 3-5 regular bras, and always go for colors like nude, black, and white to go with different outfits.

Work that thin figure girl.

I know thin girls who eat like bears and can’t gain weight. Many of them admire the curves of thicker women. Again, I will say, know your body and what silhouettes of clothes you should wear. Don’t have hips? Wear peplum dresses, A-line skirts, and boot cut jeans. Have a small bust? Where a molded cup or padded bra.

There are clothes for every type of women out there. Have fun exploring what suits you best.

Men don’t care about stuff like this.

Men don’t care to compare their weight to other men so why do women do this? You will find men who love curvy girls and men who love thin girls. They don’t give a shit about cellulite or a flat butt. If they find a girl who intrigues them, all of that goes straight out the window. If a guy does care about those little shallow things, then maybe it is best that you never date him. It takes a mature man to embrace a real woman. Understand that, and apply it to your dating applications.

DC1110CA-17Our modern society and fashion world plays a huge role in the weight issues of women today. Magazines and the media always have subjects about celebrities and their weight. These types of stories are infectious like the plague, affecting women every single day in the worst ways. Being in the fashion world and observing “some” of the people, I realize part of the fashion world has become somewhat of a cult. A cult I want absolutely nothing to do with. A cult of women who think they are fashion GODS, who love boasting about diet pills, cigarettes, and salads. They prance around, noses in the air, bashing curvy girls and those  “poor women who shop at Steve Madden”. I can’t help but laugh at how ignorant they are. As ignorant as curvy girls who bash naturally skinny women. They don’t realize they share the same fears as the women they make fun of. They fear the scale…and even worse, they allow high-end labels to be an addition in validating their worth. What a truly sad generation we live in. I want no part of it.

I think it is important to be sensitive and careful about making public statements about weight. As someone who has stood up to the bullying of “fat” and “skinny” girls all my life and has been around many women who have had eating disorders, nothing grinds my ears more than a person of influence who abuses their power to speak about the subject in a negative way. I just think projecting hatred towards other women about their weight is really a reflection of self-hatred and fear. They say, if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all. It doesn’t take much to keep an offensive opinion to yourself. All it takes is one negative comment to send someone who admires you into a self-destructive binge and purge session. With that said, I feel sorry for all of those tumblr accounts that are promoting anorexia and other eating disorders. I know it must be hard to be in that dark place without the colorful vibrancy of a really amazing and tasty cheeseburger. However, I do hope that these”brainwashed” women learn to embrace/promote a healthier lifestyle instead of allowing this “trend” to consume them.

Imagine how amazing life would be, if we didn’t care what people thought of us?

I think if we are to promote weight loss, we need to do it in a more productive way. Instead of insulting women about their weight, we should be encouraging them to just be “HEALTHY”. Promote self-health not self-hatred. I, of all people, need to start eating healthier. I have no energy, I am always tired, my bones ache almost every day, and I can’t even run up a flight of stairs without feeling like I can’t breathe lol. This isn’t a weight issue, this is a health issue. I acknowledge that and will be joining a gym and eating healthier this year (when I stop procrastinating). If you have an issue with your weight, just exercise and eat right. There are tons of great and tasty recipes on the internet and youtube videos about exercising. Tune out those negative thoughts and turn them into fuel as motivation to be a healthier version of you. The only opinions about your weight that should ever count, are your own.

We are all paintings, and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I know it is sometimes hard to believe there are people out there who will love and embrace you for the art that you are, but they will. That is a fact not an opinion. I know burn victims, paraplegics, and people with disabilities who have found love and embrace what makes them different. These are people with real issues, learn from them.

Well that’s the end of my rant.

Your resolution this year is to be healthy, strong, and successful. Nothing more, nothing less.

XOXO

Advertisements

25 Comments on “Numbers and labels.

  1. Being a plus-size woman my weight and size are frequently called into question. Sometimes women tell me that I don’t look plus-size, and the same day I could be told that I look obese. None of these things affect me, because I know the truth. I eat a whole foods, plant-based diet and I am active. And I wear a size 16. Just because someone is bigger does not mean they lay around eating cheeseburgers all day, and just because someone is thin doesn’t mean they’re starving themselves. I embrace my shape and try me hardest to influence other women to do the same.

    • i get the same dual reactions from people. Sometimes boredline sexually harassing in some twisted complimentary way, sometimes rude and leaving me glued to my pillow in tears. I embrace my shape, yet i also face the reality that having shape itself is simultaneously just as powerful as it can be revoking. I plan do do an art show on this concept in 2013..id love to know more shapely girls to contribute THXX

  2. I definately think that you are right about the fact that one has to accept how you look despite whatever “errors” that one might have. It is all controlled by the mind of oneself and you are responsible for the joy of yourself. – AND when you feel good you automatically look like a person the whole world wants to get to know!

  3. This is absolutely beautiful, Jasmin. I agree that everyone has this common fear of the scale and we should help each other, not knock each other down. I’m also happy that you mentioned the weight vs. health thing. Because I’m a size 10/12, most people can assume I’m not healthy. However, I eat all my veggies and fruits, I do yoga 4 times a week, and I bike at least twice a week. I’ve always worked out, but this is how my body looks. Like you, I love my curves and I hesitate to lose too much weight because I actually like my figure. Thank you for being a great role model to women.

  4. YES! clothes sizing should never define who you are and there is far too much fat and skinny shaming

    so long as you’re happy and healthy, nothing else should matter

  5. ultra shit 🙂
    all on point.
    I try to communicate all of this too whenever I can trying to make the world a brighter place for some! It’s SO beautiful to see the positive .effect u can have on others!

    KEE UP!

  6. This is brilliant! You really made my day 🙂 I couldn’t agree more…

  7. absolute truth girl. more woman need to not let what “others” perceive to be the “perfect” looking woman rule their lives and just love the shit out of themselves. My motto… “I’m the bomb rap song”… people always tell me I’m crazy, but if I don’t think it about myself… who else will and does it really matter? Confidence is THE sexiest thing on the planet, the sooner you (in general) realize it, the faster happiness will follow. Great post mama.

  8. LOVE THIS ARTICLE!

    I am going through a healthy lifestyle as of this moment. I have struggled with my weight for 4 years. Yes, the comments can be very discouraging and can piss you off.

    But as you say, you have to take a stand against those comments and not let someone make you lose energy due to their ignorance

  9. I have seen so much body shaming recently on the internet, you would think that by this day and age we would be over it! I get so mad at the whole “real women have curves” thing, it is just as bad as calling someone fat or that “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”. Why can’t we just accept that everyone comes in different shapes and sizes, instead of trying to make ourselves feel better by putting others down. I see gorgeous women who are plus-sized and also ones who are skinny and everything in between. Over the last year I lost 50 lbs becuase I wanted to get healthy and because I didn’t love myself. I work out a lot and eat much healthier than I used to, i feel better, have more energy, and the fact that I look better in my clothes is a huge plus. Take care of yourself, love yourself, and don’t pay attention to whaat others say about you. if they go out of their way to talk crap, its only becuase they are insecure about themselves.

  10. Thank you for writing a mature post that does not fat or thin shame. It’s wonderfully written and full of positive energy!

  11. That’s the most sensible article about weight I’ve read in a long time. The world needs more positivity like this! Good onya!

  12. I always enjoy your blog posts, but this must be one of my all time favorites. As an optimist, i can only hope the day will come where the size of our clothes or the weight on our scale will be irrelevant. But until then, we should be our own cheerleaders and not let any brand, magazine, society, etc define what we are.

  13. I was at work when I received the email about the latest blog post here on VV.com. I read it. Then I read it again. If it weren’t for my coworkers sitting nearby I would have shed some tears size and weight are definitely things I’ve struggled with. I’ve been a reader for three years now and it’s “rants” like these that keep me coming back for more. I only subscribe to one blog and it’s this one. Other comments have already said it, but I’ll reiterate: THANK YOU.

  14. I totally agree with you, great post. Some of my friends are on diet all the time, and they really don’t need it, they just find some weird kind of satisfaction in starving themselves. And I also think that every size is beautiful, and I hate it when people judge the others only because of how they look! I’m really skinny and I think that I was told about milion times that I’m anorexic and I probably don’t eating anything. God. I can’t say that I’m eating really, really a lot, but I’m eating normally, and I love sweets. That’s just what nature did. So I think that if people stop caring about other people weight world would be most peaceful place.

  15. I’ve had the critism from both ends of the spectrum.. From being really thin (during my dancing/musical theatre days) to being a bit larger (during college/corporate work life) to now being just comfortable within myself.. As cliche as it sounds that’s all that matters..Growing up my mom (who is overweight) was always critical of my weight so I had/have an obsession with it I used to work out 4-5hrs a day 6days a week on top of my normal twice daily dance practices 2hrs and 30min gynamstics class.. I was spending 8hrs a day excersising I was exhausted and then 1 day I stopped and I went to far on the othe other end of the scale but I eventually found my way.. I say all that to say this at my thinest and at my heaviest I was being pelted with negative comments everyday and I still do and I sometimes still wake up and don’t feel my best but I now don’t let it run my life I want to lose a little weight to be healthier FOR ME and not a number, family or friends

  16. I love love love this article here we do pay attention to numbers to much I myself am guilty of this being very hard on myself due to my weight i used to obsess but then i just said if im comfy in my own skin that is all that matters to me …. this is a great entry right here you need to have your own damn magazine already or at least a section in one!!

  17. I’m so happy you’re helping people realize that body snark is damaging to all kinds of women. However, I’m not sure how I feel about your suggestion to encourage other women to be healthy… I don’t know if this was your intention, but I don’t think that people should make assumptions about another woman’s health strictly based on her weight. I know plenty of overweight woman who eat healthy and exercise (remember, an overweight woman who is 5’1″ can easily eat fewer calories than a thin woman who is 5’7″ and not lose any weight at all). That said, thank you so much! It was lovely to read this article after hearing a particularly upsetting conversation between two women in the locker room about how another girl “looks like a little boy” and “would be so much prettier if she gained 10 pounds or so.”

  18. What a beautiful post on this topic. I couldn’t agree with you more. *thumbsup*

  19. Pingback: Reads of the Week | Black & Blonde

  20. Pingback: This Week On The Web - The Dame | The Dame

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: