With the focus..I gave..To my birthday candles.
Your probably wondering what happened to my blog..I deleted it. I want to put that all in the past. I put a lot of my life out there, good and bad. I will continue to do so, but speak more about myself, rather than other people. I understand that sometimes I come off offensive. I’ve been living with a “f*ck you, and you and you, I paid my dues, did my time, and I can say whatever the fuck I want” mentality. I realise I might have hurt a lot of people’s feelings. I am angry and judgemental and now that I’ve realized that, I can make a change.
I woke up at 7 this morning, nothing new..I’ve been asleep at 10pm every night this week, and awake from 4am to about 6 or 7am in the morning. My problem isn’t falling asleep, Its staying asleep. I guess I’ve got too much on my mind.
My birthday is in 3 weeks, I’m counting. I made a promise to myself this morning that I would make some dramatic changes when I turn 22, this new blog is just a small snippet of whats yet to come. I want to upgrade myself, educate myself more, and become a better person. My biggest accomplishment will be forgiving and forgetting, I need to rid myself of regret and resentment. No more talking about my last romance, I’m putting it all behind me.
I gave myself a project to get back into my creative side. I’m going to attempt to make my own costume, I’m going to be a showgirl but from the looks of it I’m going to be a showgirl/peacock. I went all over the world on Friday trying to complete my checklist-corset, peacock feathers, feather boa, head-dress, and shoes. I managed to find a cheap corset off of 82nd Street. in queens, then ran to reminiscence where I found tons of head pieces, luckily my Burlesque mentor Scarlet Sinclair (she’s going to be teaching me the skills of burlesque) had extra peacock feathers from her burlesque costume making days. $20 for a stack of peacock feathers is pretty sweet.
I have a feeling making my costume will come in handy when I get into the burlesque scene, I always underestimate myself, but deep down I know I’m capable of doing anything. I just might surprise myself, gosh do I miss surprises…
This is my first official blog on my first official site. I’m ready to move on, ready for something new, ready for someone to tilt my head towards them, in another direction and tell me that I deserve better and that they can give that to me. I’ve spent too much of my life-giving people an inch and having them take a mile. I just want to free myself from all of it.
Mexico is only 2 weeks away, I have a feeling I’ll come back a changed woman.