I know I haven’t been posting as much as I should. Instagram has practically become my blog and that’s really where all of the action is at. I have tried redesigning my blog to give me a little boost but after several failed attempts this weekend I realized my blog is fine the way it is. I was going to give it a clean white simple look but I am not simple, I am colorful, creative, artistic, and funky. I realize that it’s not my blog that’s the problem, I’ve just been doing this for so long that I am ready for the next step. What that is, well I don’t really know but I plan to find out.
Before I left to New York for a few weeks I told you guys something very personal. I was having non-stop anxiety attacks. They were completely paralyzing and affecting me terribly. Lots of people had no idea this was going on. I thought it may have been some kind of PTSD from past traumas but really… Read More
Patrick Nagel is one of my favorite artists of all time and was/is famous for his beautiful and colorful Art Deco stylized illustrations of women. Growing up in the 80’s I saw his works of art all over NYC in nearly every single nail salon in the Bronx, Brooklyn, and even Queens. Not a place I would like to see my art at but it became such a phenomenon for women who paid attention. You might also recognize his work if you are a Duran Duran fan as he designed their album cover for Rio. He also did work for Playboy Magazine. As an artist myself, his work always spoke to me, it was simple but so striking. I loved the contrasts of his colors and how edgy his characters looked. They remind me so much of my mother at the time. I think that’s one of the main reasons I love his work so much. My mother was a very edgy woman in the 80s. She had short hair, half of her head shaved, and had such a versatile style. Every time I see his characters I can’t help but think of her. I currently have a few Patrick Nagel portraits on my wall, one that is a print and another that is one of his original pieces with his signature. I have come across a few large portraits in random thrift stores across the country that I wish I would have bought but these things happen haha. To my surprise, Joyrich recently released a collaboration collection with Nagel and I am itching to get my hands on a few of these pieces. I have selected some of my favorite pieces that really stood out to me from the collection below. The rest was just eh. Anyway, they just launched on the site so go blow a hole through your wallets! Read More
“There are times when you simply must stop thinking — but how do you do that? The first rule is don’t try to, because if you do, you will be like someone trying to make rough water smooth with a flat iron, and all that will do is stir it up. You have to know how to leave your mind alone; it will quiet itself.”
I always thought anxiety wasn’t that big of a deal until I started experiencing what anxiety really is. For the past two years its made my life a living hell. I can’t get my mind to be quiet, I have trouble sleeping, I lose my appetite, and I have trouble knowing how to deal with it. Now when people say they have anxiety, I have a better understanding of what its like when your chest closes up, your walls start feeling like they are caving in, you worry about things that may or may not be real, and you can’t shut your mind off. I often have to shut myself out from the world completely just to think straight and its caused me, my friends, and my family grief having to deal with this on going problem. I’ve never really spoken about it in public but I thought it might help to be honest about this issue just incase any of you are going through the same thing. That constant worry and dealing with triggers that remind you of past traumas is sometimes debilitating. Lately, I haven’t been able to keep my anxiety under control. Its even worse when you feel no one really understands. I am going to see a therapist which is not very easy to say but if any of you have any tips, I would greatly appreciate it.
I listen to Alan Watts a lot. He is an incredible philosopher who sometimes gets me through my day. This video helped me today and I though I would share it with all of you. If any of you are going through the same thing, I wish you a fast and wonderful recovery and hope that I, too, can learn to let go of worry.
I’ve got a major sweet tooth for Fatally Feminine Designs jewelry. As a lover of all things sweet and tasty, I just couldn’t resist getting my hands on some of Aubree’s delicious handcrafted jewelry. From cotton candy earrings to mint chocolate chip ice-cream, the girl makes it all and everything is crafted to perfection. I happen to own the mint chocolate chip ice-cream earrings and necklace and can’t express enough how incredibly detailed they are. I get a sweet tooth just talking about them! I also have her colorful french macaroon bracelet and matching macaroon earrings that are absolutely delightful. I mean, what is it about us girls and our love for all things sweet, colorful, and cute? I’ve already wore my FFD pieces to death and they still look brand spankin new. That’s quality for ya. I have my eye on a few of her other pieces and plan to keep adding to my collection. I find all of her pieces to be completely irresistible!
See photos of my pieces and how I styled them inside! Read More
A few days ago I lost a very close and dear friend to me who was practically my family. It was the first time I had ever lost someone close to me as an adult. It hit me and my best friend Santiago really hard and we have been grieving ever since.
Today was the first day where I felt a little better and my anxiety and sadness wasn’t getting the best of me, but somehow I still feel so tired and drained from it all. I have spent the last 3 days feeling so sick I couldn’t really eat or keep food in my mouth without letting it out. It’s a grueling experience but seeing my beloved friend in his hospital bed fighting for his life just moments before he passed made me really think about life.
I am 28 years old and a few months shy of 29. Like everyone else, for the duration of my life I have spent most of my time trying to find happiness. In my pursuit I have failed over and over with only glimpses of that sunshine. Maybe I didn’t have enough gratitude, maybe I surrounded myself around the wrong people, maybe I put myself last way too often, maybe I didn’t try hard enough, maybe I didn’t search heard enough; I mean, there could be so many reasons. The only thing I do know is that I was happiest when I loved, felt loved, and was appreciated. I was my happiest when I was creative and productive. I was my happiest when I was surrounded by nature and good company. I was happiest when I traveled and was exposed to new places. I was my happiest when I did nice things for people. Dealing with this death made me remember.
Now I’m a tough cookie, emotional at times, but I have always become my best after being at my worst. I am driven by my pain…I’ve spent most of my life being driven by that or by love and both are completely exhausting. As a genuinely good person, I suffer the most. Sometimes I am too loving, too giving, and too nurturing and I completely forget about myself and how to set boundaries. This is why, when I feel something, I say something, even if it may rub someone the wrong way, even if I have to put my pride aside, even if I am at risk of being judged, even if it means bearing my heart and soul to someone who may or may not care. Some call that weak. I call it BRAVE. I don’t want to leave this world with words unsaid. I don’t want to leave this world as a result of holding in my emotions. You can and will get sick by doing this.
My friend held a lot inside. He never dealt with his pain and it may have been the reason he passed. It makes me sad just typing that because I wish there was something we all could have done to make it better. When I realized this, I realized this could be my fate one day too. I really believe that our thoughts and our pain affects our overall health. Lately, my health hasn’t been too good and its been a growing concern that my pain may just be the very core of the problem. I want/need to live my life to the fullest. I need to find my peace.
Tomorrow is never promised and if it isn’t guaranteed..do I want to waste today being sad or angry about things beyond my control? Do I want to spend it doing things I don’t want to do? Do I want to keep giving my love and affection to people who don’t love and appreciate me? Do I want to keep hanging out with people who don’t bring out the best in me? Do I want to keep working for other people and not following my passions? Do I want to keep living in a place that doesn’t help me grow? Do I want to keep carrying my pain like a dead horse for the rest of my life?
These are just general problems all people go through. I mean, do any of us want to leave this world without living the best life we can, today?
This was a huge wake up call. I have many things to be grateful for; my family, being alive, my job, my friends, and etc. But there are many things that I am not happy with, things I need to change, certain traumas I can’t seem to shake off, things I shouldn’t settle for, not in this life or the next. And here’s the thing..You have got to be RUTHLESS about the time and energy you put into people, places, and things. Cut out toxic people, If they give you 50 give them 0, don’t burn yourself out to keep people warm when those people have no problem leaving you in the cold, don’t settle for shitty jobs, shitty boyfriends, shitty friends, and etc.
I don’t know if I am just having a rough week or have just reached my end point when it comes to the mediocre things I tolerate in my life. I just feel exhausted. I miss my friend. I miss when I was a kid and was completely oblivious to how hard life would be. I miss being genuinely happy. But like Elizabeth Taylor says “Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick, and pull yourself together.”
I’m going to be ok but I wanted to share with you all that life is short, don’t waste it hiding who you are, tell people how much they mean to you, cut out people who only love you in halves, travel the world, meet new people, find a new job if you hate the one you are at now, find a new home if you hate where you live, don’t harbor your emotions, better yourself, follow your passions, and use your infinite potential because this is the only real way to find happiness. NOTHING in your life should be MEDIOCRE. You want to be able to say, “if I was gone tomorrow, I’d say I lived a pretty good life”.
Now go on…Live the good life.